Squirrel Industrial Accident Rates

It is time for the Nauvoo Commuter's update on wildlife preparations.

The raccoons are getting fatter, as they do every autumn. But the most astonishing development seems to be the tragic slaughtering of squirrels by cars.

Automobiles crush squirrels throughout the year, but the numbers have surged recently. Perhaps the squirrels have become hasty. As they haul their winter gatherings throughout the year, they dutifully watch both ways before crossing the streets, as their mothers had taught them to do.

But as the prep time grows short, they panic. Omigosh, the squirrels individually say, I don't have enough for winter. They stop their cautious travel policies. And the roads are covered in squirrel inards, as they have ne'ery an OSHA inspector to guard them.